Home » Blog » children

Tag: children

Choosing love over Criticism

Social Media (1)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We’ve all heard this saying “You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar” in other words as human beings and even animals we respond better to love. In the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:13 (NIV) says And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love. Everything we are is based on love, so why shouldn’t our discipline.

This week I read a quote that literally changed my life in regards to how to deal with people and I felt convicted in my relationships and mostly how I choose to raise my children.

Choose Love Quote #2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Be an encourager. The world has plenty of critics already.”

― Dave Willis

I read this quote over and again, I wrote it twice, once in my notebook, and once on a purple sticky note that to this day is still on my car console. Love is just that important, and I felt it was important and something I needed to be reminded of daily.

How many times do I choose love over criticism?

Do I criticize more than I compliment?

Do I acknowledge more of what people do the right way or give more life to what they do incorrectly?

Last week my Grandmother surprised us with a visit on her way back home to Chicago from visiting my Aunt and Cousin in Arizona. We went to Chick-fil-A for restaurant night to support my daughter’s school and as we sat across the table from one another eating chicken sandwiches and kids meals she blurted out…you’re a really good mother, you’re very patient and you don’t do a lot of fussing. It felt really good coming from a woman who raised 7 children, grandchildren and lived in an era that said you do as I say and not as I do and when I spank you I do it because I love you.

While the complement felt great, I still couldn’t help but think about that quote and how in more areas than one I could stand to be more of an encourager and less of a critic. As a parent, there are two areas that get under my skin, and I haven’t even made it to the teenage years yet…disrespect and ungratefulness. When my kid’s behaviors venture over into those two categories, you can forget it…criticism comes first and encouragement last.

What would happen if I chose encouragement over criticism? What would that teach my child about conflict? What would happen if in most situations I chose love over punishment…punishment, not discipline? I can think back to plenty of cases where I gave punishment when I should’ve given love. Does it mean that I won’t punish my children…Absolutely not! It just means I will be more conscious of the times I use punishment and the times I just need to show extra love and attention.

“Parenting is not about being the perfect parent, but finding the perfect method to raise your child.”

Choose Love Quote

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. Listen. Sometimes children just want to be heard and understood. Whether they are 5 or 45, they just want to know that someone is this enormous and sometimes unfair world hears them.

2. Choose your words. Words have power. I can remember most of the negative words that have been said to me over time more than the positive ones. Alter your language and tone, many times it’s how you say something versus what you actually say.

3. Be open. Could it be that our kids lie to us because they are afraid of the criticism that comes along with telling the truth. Punishment creates fear and closes the door to future conversations.

Love is an open language, criticism closes the door and stops up our ears and clouds are hearts. Encouragement breathes life. What am I teaching my kids about love? How am I teaching them about love outside of what I say, but in my actions?

Choose love.

Choose to uplift.

Choose to see the best.

Choose to accept.

Choose to listen.

Choose to find the good.

Choose happiness.

Choose kindness.

Choose to speak life.

Choose to encourage.

Choose to love.

Love could be the difference maker in a parent-child relationship, it could be the difference maker in a broken marriage. It has the power to mend a friendship. Love could make someone’s day and cause them not to give up. There are enough critics, be an encourager.

mysignature.jpg

Planting Positive Seeds in our Children

IMG_1138.PNG

Raising daughters is complicated. There is so much at stake. The seeds you plant as children have direct effects on the woman they will become. During my 7 years of parenting, I’m still learning the difficult lesson of what I call “parenting by personality”. Each of my daughters has two individual personalities and these personalities need individual methods of discipline, tone of voice, and love. Lately I’ve noticed. my oldest daughter, who just turned 7 a few months ago has been seeking attention from me. If I compliment my 4 year old, she asks why didn’t I compliment her, if I lay down on the couch there is a constant battle of who will takeover the 80% or 20% of my small framed body. The other day my daughter yelled out words (I didn’t think I would have to hear until she was a teenager) “You don’t love me, as much as you love…”. I started to get angry and I blurted out “If I didn’t love you I would not…” Then I thought to myself, why am I trying to explain the infinite nature of a mother’s love to a 7 year old!

IMG_5699.JPG

One of my good friends, Wendy, introduced me to Joel Osteen radio on Sirius XM radio (Channel 128 if you’re interested in checking it out). I spend almost 3 hours a day in the car on my commute to and from work, so a quality mix of music, talk, and inspiration is very valuable to me. As I listened on my way home a message “Seeds of Greatness” started to play. In the message Pastor Joel began to speak on planting seeds of greatness in other people and how this has a direct affect on how far they go, how they feel about themselves, and ultimately drowning out the negative voices within themselves and the negative words spoken over them by others.

That night on my drive home, I began to reflect and it constantly lead me back to love. Most times instead of scolding our children or attempting to correct their behavior, sometimes they just need our reassurance and love. I decided to send her a message on my way home.

IMG_1139.PNG

This year has been a year of change for my family, but especially our children. They moved away from their family and friends whom they have great relationships with, left the only school they have known and have had to adapt to a totally new environment. So a little crying is ok. The world is a scary and judgmental place even at the age of 7. So as parents it is our job, to plant and water positive seeds in our children to outweigh the negative seeds the world will attempt to plant in them. It’s funny how kids totally operate from instinct…as I planted seeds in her, she turned around and planted positive seeds right back into me. Thanks baby 🙂

As a child its natural to compliment and to build people up, somehow along the way as adults life tends to make us callous and afraid to be vulnerable to other people. Thus, it can be easier to name all of the things about people that we don’t like versus writing a list of what we do like.

Homework assignment: Identify 5 people in your life and practice planting positive seeds in there lives. Tell them what you love about them, share with them future potential, and encouragement. What do you have to lose?

Let me know how it goes! I would love to hear from you. Leave me a comment below or send me an email to info@onehautemommi.com.

What goes in eventually comes out

What goes in eventually comes out! Literally and Figuratively! LOL

 As parents we do our best to teach our children what’s right and we only hope that one-day what we teach them they will exhibit or do on their own. Being a parent is what’s called a “Thankless Job” you do it day after day without a raise, reward, pat on the back, and even sometimes a thank you. Our greatest reward as a parent is to have raised a responsible, grateful, and respectful adult.
In our household we are not super religious, were not always praying aloud, holding hands, gospel music is not the only type of music we listen to, but we are raising our children to love God and one another, to pray, and to be grateful for everything they have. Last week the girls we’re playing in their room and writing. My youngest was giving my oldest names of family members to write and she took dictation, as a big sister should. My oldest that is six then asked “Can I write a letter to God?” I said “Sure!” She ran off to her room and a few minutes later she appeared with this letter to God.
whatgoesin
I listened as she read me the letter and tried not to let my eyes fill up with tear as I said “Good Job Baby!” I thought to myself, what you put into your child, eventually comes out. I hope letter brings you much joy and encourages you to write your own personal letter to God, not only that, but to parents of older children who may have lost their way despite you teaching them the right way. Don’t worry, what you put into your child eventually comes out. Sometimes it’s quick and other times it can take a while, but it will come out.
Be encouraged.
mysignature.jpg

Guest Post: Our Children & Christmas

This guest post is from The Ring Club! The Ring Club is a new generation of married couple’s raised up by God to change the view of marriage in popular culture. We we provide spaces of meaning for married & engaged couples in the form of book clubs, dance lessons, weekly prayer lines, and much more.

I’m so excited to share their awesome work and words on One Haute Mommi! Enjoy!

Our Children & Christmas

I found the most appropriate scripture for this Advent Season (Advent is a four-week season leading into the Christian celebration of the birth/nativity of Jesus Christ) we are in.

The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. (Luke 1:35)

In chapter one of the book of Luke, the birth of Jesus is being foretold. The Angel is telling Mary (Jesus’s mother), how her conception will happen. Two important things are explained in this scripture that shows us how we are to treat this time of year.

1.) “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you”-Mary is an important figure (Luke 1:45), but it wasn’t about her. Your child is an important figure in your life and his/hers happiness is important to you…but it’s not about them. It’s our job to explain that to them as best we can. We have to explain to them that they have been overshadowed, so that Jesus gets the attention, glory and honor during this time of year.

2.) So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God”- The most important aspect of this time of year, the person born is the Son God. Our children need to know who the Son of God is and what that means for their life. They need to know who he is more than they need to know how use Apple products, when the next (Retro) Jordan is releasing or how to ride a bike. Our job as parents is to teach them that it’s not about gifts; it’s about the Gift…who was born, died and resurrected for their sin, your sin, my sin and all of humanity.

If you’re reading this and think that I’m saying don’t celebrate Christmas, don’t buy your kids gifts…then I have been misunderstood. I’m saying, love on them through gifts and spending time but don’t ever forget to remember the Lord.

It’s pretty corny and over done, but “Jesus is the reason for the season”.

Merry Christmas!

Be sure to read other posts from The Ring Club!

Question: What ways do you use to show your children the real meaning of Christmas?

Feeling pretty crafty-creating Thanksgiving arts & crafts at home

turkeycraft1

One thing I love to do with my girls at home are arts & crafts, it’s a great way to spend time together and brings out my inner childlike creativity. I can’t wait to do more with them!

Two nuggets I learned from my oldest daughter while doing our crafts.

1. Perfect is boring. She told me this 5 times! My interpretation, don’t spend so much time on making sure the lines are straight, the real beauty is in the creativity.

2. Make it your own. After we finished making our turkeys, they wanted to draw on them and make the turkeys their own. The perfectionist in me said, “no leave them as they are”! My oldest daughter said in art it’s ok to make it your own. She gave her turkey a heart. (This made me smile)

I hope this craft fosters great family moment’s in your household this Thanksgiving!

Paper Plate Turkey

Supplies

2 Paper Plates

Scissors

Stapler

A pack of Construction paper (red, brown, green, orange, yellow, white)

Glue Stick

Crayons or Markers

Click here to download my turkey craft traceable

Directions

First, take one paper plate and measure a sheet of brown construction paper over it. Cut the construction paper in the shape of the plate. Then, staple the brown circle to the paper plate. Take the second paper plate (you can also use a small paper plate) measure it with a large can or circular object and cut the plate into a small circle for the turkey’s head. Take another piece of construction paper and cover the smaller plate as before. Staple the paper to the plate.

Next, (use the guide provided, if needed) cut six feathers using multiple colors. Use the glue stick and stick the feathers between the paper plate and the construction paper. Next cut out two small circles, beak, wattle (my oldest taught me that term), wings, and feet. Glue them all to the turkey.

Finally, let your child decorate the turkey or write things they are thankful for on the craft.

turkeycraft2

 

 

 

 

 

Have fun!

OHM

The problem with being the perfect parent

photo(1)“Perfect people lead to having perfect kids which make the perfect people perfect parents with a perfect life but in reality it puts plenty of profuse pressure on people.” –LaChaya D. Terry

Who told me I had to be a perfect mother? Sure weren’t my two girls! Did my husband tell me? Nope! Did my mother tell me she was a perfect mother and I should be one too? Nope!

I have come to the realization that I have put unrealistic expectations on my children and myself to be perfect, and it’s pretty stressful. When you start out at perfect what else is there to strive for and how much further up can you go?

1. “You don’t have to be perfect to be “the” perfect parent for your kids.” Parents make mistakes, fly off the handle, lose their patience, forget about a school trip, or lose a favorite toy. Don’t beat yourself up! Start new and fresh, learn from each opportunity, and make the necessary changes.

2. “Perfect can be dangerous.” I want to raise well-rounded children that aren’t afraid to mess up or to fail, but can dust themselves off, get back up, and not be afraid to try again. I’ve witnessed too many adults who never experienced disappointment until adulthood and it rocked them to the core.

3. “Don’t have comparisonitis” Your parenting style might not be the same as your family member, co-worker, or friend. Do what works best for your household and family!

4. “Kids will be kids” They will fight, cry, kick, scream, embarrass you, make you late, sleep in your bed, lose things, forget things, forget to use the potty, make bad decisions, giggle too much in class, like the wrong boy, say they hate you. IT’S ALL RIGHT! Be “their” perfect parent and not “the” perfect parent…love, hug, kiss, and embrace them for who they are, cherish every moment you have. They love you and you love them and it’s all that matters.

Before you know it they will grow up and strive to be perfect people with perfect kids being the perfect parents having the perfect life putting plenty of profuse pressure on them. Don’t pass it on.

mysignature.jpg

 

Haute Mommi Review: Create Abilities for Kids

If you love doing arts and crafts with your kids, you are going to love this product!

As you know I ONLY endorse products that I have tried and used with my kids, so you can take this review to the bank. The company that creates these really cool art kits is called “Create Abilities for Kids”, it was started by a stay at home mom that used her love for creating projects for her kids into her dream business. These art kits come with everything you need to complete the project and they are for kids ages 3,4, and 5.

Each kits comes with 2,3,or 4 projects per month whichever you prefer and are shipped directly to you each month. My kit contained 2 projects, the first project we completed was an Apple Tree Art Kit which was specially designed for September which is celebrated as apple month. It contained directions, a fact sheet about apple month, paint, the plate, paint brushes, little fuzz balls for the apples, and glue. This is a great idea and so helpful for working parents that love to do arts and crafts with their kids, but just don’t have the time or energy. Click here to check out their site! Support Haute Mommi’s!

Take a look at Taylor’s finished project, she can’t wait to work on her next one!

The Truth About Storytelling

The truth about storytelling is that they eventually turn into to lies. See it’s cute (at first) when a kid totally makes up a story and you kind of just blow it off, but when those stories turn into little white lies, and as an adult they turn into big red lies, Houston there is a problem.

Almost every time Taylor goes into the bathroom to wash her hands she knocks the hand towel down on the floor and doesn’t pick it up, and each time we say “Taylor, if you knock the towel down, pick it up”. So one day last week she was at home with my Mom and she went into the bathroom to wash her hands and sure enough the towel is on the floor. So my Mom asked her “Taylor did you know the towel down”? And she says “No”. So my Mom says “Taylor, tell me the truth, if you knocked the towel down tell me”. So Taylor sticks to her story and so today she tells me (almost a week later) “Well Mom maybe the towel did slip down after I washed my hands and fell on the floor last time, but this time I made sure it was pulled all the way up”. I said “I know and next time be sure if that happens again to pick it up” and just tell “Exactly, what happened”.

The truth of the matter is that kids and adults lie, whether the parents are very strict and they lie out of fear of punishment or if the parent is too laid back, they lie because they can. As parents we have to figure out which category we are in and come up with practical consequences and stick to them. In so many areas of life lying has become a major problem in adults and children, here are the main reasons why children or adults lie:

  • To avoid getting in trouble or punishment
  • To gain the upper hand or to look good
  • To protect themselves or to protect others
  • To boost self-esteem

If you are a parent dealing with your child and storytelling here are a few tips:

  • Keep open the lines of communication, always let your kids know that they can talk to you about anything
  • Use positive reinforcement after the lie has been told and then enforce the consequences
  • Don’t punish your child for telling the truth, reward them
  • As a parent, let your child witness you telling the truth in tough situations and they will emulate you

Whether from a child or an adult, lying can be harmful and hard to stop once it gets out of control. As parents lets combat storytelling at whatever stage our child is, and raise them to be truthful adults with integrity and to lead honest lives.