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Choosing love over Criticism

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We’ve all heard this saying “You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar” in other words as human beings and even animals we respond better to love. In the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:13 (NIV) says And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love. Everything we are is based on love, so why shouldn’t our discipline.

This week I read a quote that literally changed my life in regards to how to deal with people and I felt convicted in my relationships and mostly how I choose to raise my children.

Choose Love Quote #2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Be an encourager. The world has plenty of critics already.”

― Dave Willis

I read this quote over and again, I wrote it twice, once in my notebook, and once on a purple sticky note that to this day is still on my car console. Love is just that important, and I felt it was important and something I needed to be reminded of daily.

How many times do I choose love over criticism?

Do I criticize more than I compliment?

Do I acknowledge more of what people do the right way or give more life to what they do incorrectly?

Last week my Grandmother surprised us with a visit on her way back home to Chicago from visiting my Aunt and Cousin in Arizona. We went to Chick-fil-A for restaurant night to support my daughter’s school and as we sat across the table from one another eating chicken sandwiches and kids meals she blurted out…you’re a really good mother, you’re very patient and you don’t do a lot of fussing. It felt really good coming from a woman who raised 7 children, grandchildren and lived in an era that said you do as I say and not as I do and when I spank you I do it because I love you.

While the complement felt great, I still couldn’t help but think about that quote and how in more areas than one I could stand to be more of an encourager and less of a critic. As a parent, there are two areas that get under my skin, and I haven’t even made it to the teenage years yet…disrespect and ungratefulness. When my kid’s behaviors venture over into those two categories, you can forget it…criticism comes first and encouragement last.

What would happen if I chose encouragement over criticism? What would that teach my child about conflict? What would happen if in most situations I chose love over punishment…punishment, not discipline? I can think back to plenty of cases where I gave punishment when I should’ve given love. Does it mean that I won’t punish my children…Absolutely not! It just means I will be more conscious of the times I use punishment and the times I just need to show extra love and attention.

“Parenting is not about being the perfect parent, but finding the perfect method to raise your child.”

Choose Love Quote

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. Listen. Sometimes children just want to be heard and understood. Whether they are 5 or 45, they just want to know that someone is this enormous and sometimes unfair world hears them.

2. Choose your words. Words have power. I can remember most of the negative words that have been said to me over time more than the positive ones. Alter your language and tone, many times it’s how you say something versus what you actually say.

3. Be open. Could it be that our kids lie to us because they are afraid of the criticism that comes along with telling the truth. Punishment creates fear and closes the door to future conversations.

Love is an open language, criticism closes the door and stops up our ears and clouds are hearts. Encouragement breathes life. What am I teaching my kids about love? How am I teaching them about love outside of what I say, but in my actions?

Choose love.

Choose to uplift.

Choose to see the best.

Choose to accept.

Choose to listen.

Choose to find the good.

Choose happiness.

Choose kindness.

Choose to speak life.

Choose to encourage.

Choose to love.

Love could be the difference maker in a parent-child relationship, it could be the difference maker in a broken marriage. It has the power to mend a friendship. Love could make someone’s day and cause them not to give up. There are enough critics, be an encourager.

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Survey Results are in + What’s coming to OHM in 2015!

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First things first! Thank you so much for participating in my 2015 Reader Survey! The responses helped me to get an idea of who you are and to gather your input regarding topics close to your heart. I have already begun to create content around your suggestions, as you will see below. Although the survey results are closed, you can always leave me suggestions here in the comments or email me at info@onehautemommi.com.

 

 

 

Here are the results….

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Were you surprised by the results? In addition to the survey, many of you included so many words of encouragement and I really took them to heart. THANK YOU! I will be writing more in 2015 than in 2014 and I have so many new and exciting post and series prepared for you!

I wanted to share a few of them with you…

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I’m so excited about these 2 series, Haute Mom’s have Purpose is an interview series, where you will have the opportunity to read interviews from women who are not only making it happen in their purpose and careers, but also in their homes. Look out for the first post this month! I receive questions all the time from people who are looking to start blogging. I’m in the process of working on a series entitled “So you want to blog..”Learn what this blogging thing is all about! Stay tuned!

Thank you for hanging with me! Don’t forget to share OHMommi with a friend or family member. Also, click here to sign up for email updates and receive these post freshly delivered to your email inbox always spam free!

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Jump Series: 2014, The Year I Jumped (Part Two)

JUMP SERIES
(Click here to read Part One of the Jump Series)
In almost every language imaginable, the word quit is seen as a negative connotation. It means you gave up, said forget it, or even to some shows a sign of mental weakness, but not so. In many cases, quitting is a sign of strength, obedience, and necessity for many.
In my culture you find a job, you work, and if they will have you…you retire. You don’t quit. Who leaves comfort for uncertainty and familiarity for the unknown…. I did.
From early on in my childhood I can vividly remember knowing where I wanted to be, but wasn’t too sure about the middle part. Have you ever had the perfect sleeping situation set up? You had the perfect pillows, the mattress was comfy, your blanket was nice and soft…but you couldn’t sleep. I’ve had many moments like that in my life…the setup was perfect…but I could never clearly get comfortable in the middle to get to my ideal end.
 JUMP SERIES QUOTE
 In high school I was a below average student, I was accepted into college through a program who gave students with below average grades and low test scores a “chance”. I took this chance and throughout my college tenure I received several dean list awards and graduated with honors. In college, I immediately declared my major in Marketing, I had always been fascinated with advertising and how it was connected to various brands, but soon changed my major because I felt like the business program was too difficult and I became distracted and decided to take a different route.
The day after my college graduation, I interviewed for an Admissions Advisor position at an online University through a staffing agency. After the interview I received a call back from the office manager stating they didn’t choose me for the position, but would like to hire me for a different position within the agency itself. I worked there for almost 3 years, and I was fired. I was devastated, I remember crying thinking who would fire me?? I later realized God was trying to take me somewhere else, but I couldn’t get there unless I let some things go. That summer after I was fired, I looked for job after job, had interview after interview and nothing. I decided to make the most of my time and signed up at my church to volunteer. A volunteer opportunity turned into a temporary opportunity that turned into a full-time position. I couldn’t deny that God had a plan for me, but I just wasn’t quite sure what that plan was. Throughout those years I learned so much and was exposed to a wealth of opportunities and resources. One day I had the opportunity to sit in a branding workshop and a light bulb went off in my head and in my heart. It was as if I was reunited with my natural instinct. I had been reunited with a passion I had totally buried with life and forgotten about. My middle was finally clear! Part of me felt revived and ignited, but another part of me felt like a complete idiot for wasting so much energy focusing my career in directions I wasn’t meant to go in.
Proverbs 3:5 (NKJ)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
My life has been filled with these different moments and many different paths…paths I didn’t choose for myself, but ordered by God. I prayed, fasted, and seriously sought God’s plan for my next path and when he brought it to me, there was no way I could step back from the edge. Many times on your way to your next level you will have to separate from something and an old part of you has to die. For me it wasn’t just a job, it was a family. To leave was one of the hardest decisions I think I’ve ever had to make, but I had to be true to myself and open to where God wanted to take my family and I.
One night during dinner, my seven-year old said grace at our table, and after grace she asked if she could add something. She continued, “Thank you God for this beautiful house, thank you for Mommy’s new job, and thank you that she is following her dream that she dreamed of since she was a little girl. Amen.” That’s why I quit.
I hope this post inspires you to jump and to step out on faith in some areas in your life, and to also revisit areas you may have forgotten about. My word for 2015 is Again. I believe God is going to use us in some areas we have forgotten about or that have become buried by life. Many times it’s easier to come up with something new rather than to finish what we started.
Leave me a comment, what have you started in 2014 or previous years that you need to finish in 2015? What’s your word or phrase for 2015? 
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